Why I don’t believe Alex Day

I saw this banner that reads, “Child Sexual Assault thrives in an atmosphere of silence” outside a local high school today. 

I saw this banner that reads, “Child Sexual Assault thrives in an atmosphere of silence” outside a local high school today. 


I feel so bad for MEW & all those other celebs. Holy shit man. Invasion of privacy, much?


I feel so bad for MEW & all those other celebs. Holy shit man. Invasion of privacy, much?


So apparently iCloud was hacked and pretty much every female celebrity’s nudes were leaked. I’d like to remind my followers not to post them, because they’re supposed to be private, and just because some asshole leaked them doesn’t mean you should make it worse by spreading them around.

I’m a human, not a commodity, or an object. (x)

This is a video of Bob Morley in a forum on “What Men Really Think About Their Body” in 2013 and a tweet from several hours ago. 

These two need to be seen. I feel like male sexual objectification isn’t called out nearly as often as that of women. Sure they have different histories behind them, but they are both the removal of a person’s humanity, for the purpose of turning their body into a sexual object, to be viewed, used, or owned. Bob Morley struggles with the pervasiveness of this in his profession and is brave enough to speak out.

The video is long, so you can skip to Bob’s talk, but I’d also recommend watching or listening to the whole thing. Five different men reflect on how they view their bodies in relation to their emotions, sexuality, strength, and vulnerabilities. Bob talks about experiencing racism, misusing aggression, and being sexually objectified. Others speak about acting upon their bodies (positively or negatively) to distract themselves from dealing with emotions or issues. One shares a story that will make you cry about finding new value in his body when his bone marrow was able to save his sister.

I’m not sure what exactly prompted Bob’s tweet today, but it has been suggested that people were sending him links on twitter to gifs of himself nude in films, or saying sexual things to him. Neither are hard to imagine; if you go on his twitter you’ll see countless fans tweeting at him for his attention. Slow down, guys. Twitter feels anonymous and fun for fans, but for actors like Bob and the rest of the cast of The 100 it’s an aspect of their personal life that has been turned into a part of their job. They were all mostly unknowns (at least in America) until three months ago, and now they get hundreds of messages a day via this medium alone, ranging from, just at a glance, general responses to asking “how many money do you want me to send you to get a tweet from u”. I can only imagine how overwhelming that attention every day would be, and so much of it is dehumanizing and disrespectful. And sending sexual advances? That is sexual harassment. Bob is a human, not a commodity, or an object.


The fact is, a 14-year-old girl may be capable of agreeing to sex with a 49-year-old man, but she doesn’t have the emotional and mental maturity to consent. I was 25 before I realized that every man I’d slept with as a teenager was a pedophile. It seemed to me that since I’d courted the attention, that I was fully culpable. What teenager believes she is not mentally or emotionally capable of full consent? I thought I was an adult, although when I look at the picture of myself from the time period above, I see a child.

I thought I was the exception for these men, the girl so precocious and advanced that it superseded social norms. I thought that I was “older than my chronological age.”

It never occurred to me as a young sexually active teen that the adult men I had relationships with may have been manipulating me, that they had designs and motives I couldn’t see from my limited child’s perspective.


Emily, XOJANE, "The Myth of the Teenage Temptress, or Why a Young Girl Can Not Consent to Sex with an Adult Man"

Everyone should read this article if they haven’t already. The anecdotes are upsetting and carry major TW (pedophilia, graphic depictions of sex), but the message is just so on point. 

(via owning-my-truth)

What I needed, and what she needed, were strong male role models in my life who knew how the fuck to say “No thanks” to a little girl’s come-ons. Because it doesn’t matter if a young girl is saying yes, it’s an adult man’s job to say no.

(via bethanyactually)

I am here for the teenagers


There are still articles circulating about the DFTBA Records/Tom Milsom/Alex Day revelations from last week, and I noticed there are a few articles that cite me and link to that masterpost I found. I love you all very much and appreciate the link, but that post was actually originally compiled by this poster and you should give them some love, too.

That said, this whole situation has been buzzing in my brain a lot since it happened. A lot a lot. The whole thing sends me back to being 13-17 again, watching my friends flirt and date and make out and sleep with men in their 20’s and even 30’s. Watching a good friend stop using protection because the guy didn’t want to and besides, she’d convinced herself she wouldn’t mind having a baby. At least it would love her. She was 13.

I grew up in the Inland Empire (Southern California, near LA, for those who are unfamiliar with CA geography). We went to school with the children of celebrities, or kids who’d been on such-and-such a television show for three episodes. My own sister is an actress. Brushing elbows with band members or D-Z list celebrities at parties was the norm. It was a thrill to have one of them pay attention to you as a young teenaged girl. It made you feel really, really special. It got you bragging rights. I remember one of my best friends being over the moon when she got to tell the story of how she (a tall girl for her age) had to stand on tip-toe to make out with a member of a pretty well-known 90’s underground band. She was 15.

At my very first “big girl” party, my friend and her sister had a good time dressing me in a skin-tight bodysuit and overalls, doing my makeup and hair, and telling me to lie to the boys at the party and tell them I was three years older than I really was so I could play Spin The Bottle.

I was 10. I chickened out and went to hide in my friend’s room instead. I had a habit of chickening out. Probably why I don’t have an “I made out with X from Y!” story of my own to tell.

You hear stuff like this and it gets really easy to blame the girls. Oh, they’re LIARS. It’s just a kiss! They giggle about it later with their friends, obviously it’s no big deal. They’re THRILLED. They were into it at the time. They’re asking for it.

But I was there. I remember. I watched these “relationships” crash and burn, my friends sobbing broken on the floor, souls crushed by cruel words, self-worth slowly whittled to nothing. Self-injury and depression and drugs. I remember that part, too.

I never once witnessed one of these flings or relationships that wasn’t firmly rooted in manipulation or abuse. I have the benefit of age and experience now (ohohohoho so lofty at an elderly 30), and when I look back, my stomach still flips and hurts. I think about men MY AGE going after the girls we were then and I want to vomit.

I think of my own history. Of growing my oversized breasts in the summer between middle school and high school and noticing an immediate shift in male attention. I didn’t like it. I knew it wasn’t about me. It was about those tits. Those tits!

(Seriously, you have no idea how often I’ve asked boys and men why they were interested in me and got responses like, “Well, you know, you have nice hair and whatever. And THOSE TITS! Can I see them?”)

Maureen Johnson also made a post on this topic, and she said something that resonated with me. Something about these horrifying experiences being so ingrained in our culture that virtually every woman has these stories to tell. I have them. Groped again and again. Comments about my tiny body riding giant *insert gross slang here*. Raped at a party (twice). Lifting my shirt to try and glimpse my breasts. Approached, intimidated, called a bitch for trying to get away. A million-million everyday aggressions and insults and intimidations that are so much the fabric of my life that I ignore most of them these days.

And like Maureen, I have lived a pretty privileged life. My stories are nothing compared to the (ongoing) abuse other girls and women suffer every day, layered on top of racism, transmisogyny, homophobia, ableism, and so many other marginalizations that inform their womanhood.

So I’m giving no one brownie points for recognizing that they’re emotionally manipulative and that they used that to their advantage. For knowing they came from a place of power over another. Of course they know that. They all know that. That’s the point… finding people who don’t actually vehemently say NO because they want to please you, or they’re scared, or they’ve been worn down.

I am here for the teenagers and preteens. I am here for every minor who has found themselves in one of these power dynamic situations, whether it was romantic or sexual or merely a “friendship,” and has been harmed by it, or will be harmed by it. I’m not here to pander. You are all so smart, so capable, full of so many multitudes, and I have faith in you. If you need help, I want you to know that there are resources available to you.

I want you to know that you’re not alone, that those bad feelings in your gut are not wrong, and that there are always people who know you’re still having experiences for the first time and take advantage of that to trick you into thinking a bad relationship is the way of the world. Being an independent adult is a whole new stage of life, and not everyone takes that responsibility as well as they should.

But there are good people, too. You have them, and they will never take advantage of a power imbalance. They will never hurt you. And you have each other. Never forget that.


that is a lying cat. lying cats can sense un-truths and call people on it.that is a little girl who was sold into sexual slavery.and this is one of the many scenes which make Saga the greatest comic book ever

And then she starts to call her Honest Cat instead of Lying Cat and don’t look at me.


that is a lying cat. lying cats can sense un-truths and call people on it.
that is a little girl who was sold into sexual slavery.

and this is one of the many scenes which make Saga the greatest comic book ever

And then she starts to call her Honest Cat instead of Lying Cat and don’t look at me.

A World for Girls" draws the viewer in as young children explain the kind of world that would be affirming for girls and young women—the type of world that prevents the commercial sexual exploitation of girls and young women. The children address issues related to empowerment, equal pay, education, gender-based violence, employment and commercial sexual exploitation.

Also part of the “A World For Girls,” campaign, GEMS has created a section on the agency’s website that offers ways to get engaged, support an alternate vision of the future and take concrete steps to build that collective vision of the future. GEMS has also unveiled a related Facebook campaign at

"The commercial sexual exploitation and trafficking of girls doesn’t happen in a vacuum, it happens in a world where girls aren’t valued, empowered and provided with the critical educational and economic opportunities they need in order to thrive. We live in a world where girls are viewed as property, as sexual objects, as less valuable than boys."
Rachel Lloyd, A World for Girls